The Rocky Mountain Picture Show
by K. J. Pitre
Summary: It's exactly what you think it is ; StanxKyle TweakxCraig BebexKenny WendyxCartman CartmanxStan CartmanxKyle WendyxButters CartmanxTrent TrentxKyle CartmanxButters SLASH Orgy
1. A Late November Evening

**Okay, readers, this is, in fact, is the South Park version of The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Some of you will love it, some of you will hate it. Kind of like the Jonas Brothers or Hannah Montana and High School Musical. You can only love it or hate it, not in between. And I **_**do**_** hope that you will love this one. This version does not have lyric-edited songs, so if you feel like it, you can stop the story when you feel like it and play the Rocky Horror Picture Show songs. So let's begin our fantabulous adventure, because after all, it's just a jump to the left...**

**The Rocky Mountain Picture Show**

**Written By:**

**Kyle J. Pitre**

**Based Off the Screenplay By:**

**Richard O'Brien**

**&**

**Jim Sharman**

**Chapter I: A Late November Evening**

It was the wedding of the century. Two lovers. A match made in Heaven. The wedding took place at the old South Park chapel. Sure it was old, and run down, but it was classic and it set a romantic mood. It was the wedding of Tweek Tweak and Clyde Nommel. These two lovers decided to marry immediately after the two graduated high school. They had been going out for years and were one of the most popular homosexual couples standing right next to our heroes, Stan Marsh and Kyle Broflovski.

The wedding has just finished and everyone is set up on the steps in front of the chapel for a group picture. The two grooms on the bottom step in mid kiss; passionate and heart-felt and meaningful... and most likely with tongue. But anyhow, the rest of the guests, set up on the second step, third step, and the small platform leading for the doors. The guests consisted of Tweek and Craig's mother, father, siblings. Both of them had no uncles or aunts and no direct cousins. They had Kyle and Stan be their best men. Tweek's was Kyle and Craig's Stan.

The picture was truely worth one millions words. The newly weds were in the middle of a full and deep kiss, the parents were crying, the siblings were laughing and smiling, and Kyle and Stan had their arms around one another showing the peace sign. The sky was a pale blue with a bit of clouds and the three single owners of the small chapel were quite ominous looking. All three of them with pale skin. Two female, one male. One held a pitch fork and wore overalls and the two ladies wore disgustingly out of style dresses. All three of them looked blankly into the camera. They didn't stick out much, for they were at the side, but nonetheless, they were creepy as hell.

After the bright flash of light of the camera had flashed, the camera man quickly collected his money from Craig and gave his number to Tweek for when the photos developed. He despersed the scene in an old black Lincoln. The guests also took no time in leaving the area. It was romantic, yes, but it was gloomy and depressing. They left, but Kyle and Stan hadn't seen any place as mood-setting as this place, you know, having lived in South Park and all. Craig walked up to Stan and patted him on the shoulder as they were about to walk off and enjoy the lovely, but gothic scenery.

"Well, Stan, I guess we made it, huh?" Craig said patting his back.

"Well I don't think there was any doubt about that," Stan replied. "You and Tweek have been almost inseparable ever since you two took weekly therapy with Mr Mackey."

"Tell you the truth Brad, he was the only reason I came in the first place," admitted Craig, blushing as Tweek snook a kiss on the side of his husband's mouth. "Talking about my problems was never one of my strong points, but I sure wish Mr. Mackey could have made it today."

"Yeah, Kyle and I make fun of that guy all the time," Stan laughed as Kyle joined him. "But he's alright. We drove over to see him last vacation. It's a shame his new job took him away from South Park."

Craig notices how close Kyle's and Stan's foreheads connect. They both whisper something sweet and they both begin to wear childish smiles and throw eachother a few sweet kisses.

"Hey, fella," Craig said patting Stan again. "It looks like it could you your turn next."

"Well, who knows?" Stan responded putting his arms around Kyle.

Stan and Kyle now found themselves standing alone in front of the chapel. They looked to the small graveyard and decided to stroll through it. Probably the passed relatives of the previous owners of this holy building. Stan walked next to his boyfriend with his hands in his pocket. Kyle took his hand out of _his_ pocket and dug into Stan's to grab ahold of _his_.

"Oh, Stan, wasn't it wonderful?" Kyle asked his lover while looking into his sapphire eyes. "Didn't Tweek look amazing in that suit? Just an hour ago he was plain old Tweek Tweak. Now he's Mr. Craig Nommel."

"But they're both guys," Stan pointed out a bit confused. "Does Tweek wanna take Craig's name?"

"Shit, Stan, _anything's_ better than Tweak."

"... Good point."

"Well, Craig's a lucky guy."

"Yes."

"And Tweek's a pretty good cook."

"Oh, yeah, I heard."

"And Craig will be in line for a promotion in about a year or so."

"Yes."

There was a silence. Kyle and Stan didn't usually talk like this. Stan had something on his mind. He had wanted to say it for quite some time but he just didn't know when. He figured now that they were all alone that now was a better time than other. Kyle knew it too. He saw the look on Stan's mouth that he wanted to shout something at the top of a mountain. He was just waiting for a good time. Stan finally stopped. Kyle stopped with him.

"Hey, Kyle."

"Yes Stan?" Kyle asked, a little too sudden.

"... I've got something to say."

"... U-huh?"

"Umm... Oh, Jesus Christ, I lost my train of thought."

"Oh, Goddammit Stan!!"

"What?!"

"Oh, come on! You've looked like you've had to take a piss all friggen day! You got something on your mind, and I wanna know what it is!"

"Jesus Christ, Kyle, marry me!!"

He had just said it. Those words that made Kyle sweat and had made his heart skip a beat or two. Kyle couldn't tell, he was in too much of a shock.

"What did you say?" Kyle asked flustered with his hand to his heart.

"I want you to marry me, Kyle."

"But... But why?"

"Dammit, Kyle, I love you!"

"You wanna marry me? You're not joking?"

"Hey, I'm not joker," Stan said a bit more relaxed closing in on his lover. "And here the ring to prove it."

Stan pulled out a wedding band. It was priceless. It must have been the most beautiful piece of gold and diamond Kyle had ever seen, and his face said it all.

"What do you think?" Stan asked.

"Oh, it's nicer than Marilyn Munroe had!"

"Marilyn Munroe got married?"

"I dunno, I think she did."

"I dunno, I'm pretty sure Marilyn Munroe was a dirty whore."

"Oh yeah." Kyle looked at his ring again and got excited once more. "Oh SHIT! Yes, Stan, yes!"

"That's awesome, Kyle! I love you!"

"I love you too!"

The two embraced and welcomed eachother with their wet and lovely tongues.

"I remember," Stan began.  
"Yes, Stan?" Kyle asked separating his lips from his but leaving his hands on his shoulders.

"We've known eachother for so long."

"Yea, absolutely."

"But remember when we actually _became_ friends?"

"Well, ya, of course. We were sent to Mr. Mackey's office. And when we were waiting to see him we got to know eachother better."

"Do you remember what we got in for?"

"I think you got in for telling the teacher to shut up and I got in for kicking a kid in the shin."

"Oh, yeah!" Stan bent over in fits of laughter.

"So what?" Kyle asked enjoying Stan's lightheartedness.

"Well, it was because of Mr. Mackey that we actually met and became friends."

"Okay, I guess. So what are you getting at then?"

"Well now that we're engaged, there's one thing left to do."

Kyle had no idea where his brand new fiance was going with this. "And that's... ?"

"And that's go see the man who began it!" Stan finished. "When we met in his special therepy session."

"Do you remember whatt you did when you first saw me?"

"No, what?"

"You gave me the eye," Kyle giggled.

Stan held Kyle's waist. "Oh, yeah." He managed to sneek in a couple more kisses.

"Alright, fine," Kyle said with a school girl smile. "Let's go see Mr. Mackey and thank him for bringing us together."

"That's the spirit."

Later that night, Stan and Kyle decided to waste no time and drive up to where Mr. Mackey had moved to: Central Park. When Stan and Kyle had gotten the directions, they thought their grade school councelor was kidding. Central Park was an urban myth created by the residents of the Park County area. This included North, South, West, and East Park. Years ago, Central Park used to be dab in the middle of the four mountain towns, but after the mayor of Central Park and many of the citizens were accused of murdering other Park County citizens, the Law Enforcements of all of Colorado decided to exclude Central Park as a town althogether for its reputation as being the core of murder and rape. Since they were no longer a part of the Park County, they were alone, but the state of Colorado didn't want them either, and the US Government didn't feel that they deserved to be a state. Central Park was permanently removed from the map and their title of town was relinquished. In technical terms, Central Park is a blank piece of town in which no one wishes to claim it.

Central Park was therfore used to tell scary stories to children and threaten children that if they didn't eat their vegetable, the Ghost of Central Park would come to eat _them_ instead. Stan and Kyle were a bit frightened that anyone in their right mind would want to live in Central Park. Mr. Mackey's excuse was that the people who lived there were devastated and most of the children were troubled or destructive. They needed a good counselor.

The couple got in their car and drove up. Central Park was in the middle of a series of mountains. The only way they could go was up. It was pouring rain. Stan's windshield whipers barely did anything. He had both fists clenched to the leather wheel with his head low as if to avoid the cascading rain and his shoulder haunched as Kyle was buried in 4 different maps of the Park County, each map with different roads and directions to this living (or dying) legend of a town.

"That's the _third_ motorcyclist that's past us!" Kyle stated peeling his eyes away from the many papers for only a moment. He rolled open the window and stuck his head out. "Fucking ass hole!!"

Stan grabbed Kyle by the belt and pulled him back into his seat.

"They certainly take their lives in their hands," Kyle mumbled returning to his maps. "What with all the weather and all."

"Yeah, Kyle, life's pretty cheap to _that_ type," Stan said keeping his eyes on the road.

The car slows down and stops entirely as Stan looks ahead. He them drops his head on the wheel with lost hope.

"What's the matter, babe?" Kyle asked.

Stan lifted a finger and pointed to the sign in front of them that read 'DEAD END.'

"Crap," Kyle thought aloud.

"I think I might have taken a wrong turn," said Stan lifting his head from the wheel.

"But if this is a dead end, there where did those motorcycles come from?"

"Shit!" Stan clenched onto the wheel again and took deep breaths. He was calm again. "Looks like we're just going to have to turn around then."

As soon as the car began to back up, there was what felt like a miniature explosion underneath their car. The boys jumped. Stan look very startled but Kyle looked to be in pain seeing as the boom bopped him up and made his head hit the ceiling of the car.

"FUCK!" Kyle cursed. He began to rub what he _knew_ was going to be a bruise. "What was that bang?"

"I dunno, we must have a blow-out."

"A blow-out?" Kyle asked. "But that was a friggen Komakahzi air raid!"

"Relax, hun," Stan soothed kissing Kyle's neck. "You'd better sit here and keep warm while I go for help."

"Where the hell do you think you're going?" Kyle was not gonna be left alone in a place that was known for rape and murder. "We're in the middle on nowhere."

"There's no point in _both_ of us getting wet."

"Well, I'm going with you," Kyle confirmed unbuckling his seat belt. "Besides, Stan, whoever owns that phone might have some hot and sexy guy and I'll never see you again."

They both laughed lightly. After a quick kiss, they both turned off and exited the car. Stan and Kyle found themselves in an enormous downpour of thick balls of rain of the likes of which they have never seen in their white-bred, red neck, podunk, white trash, horse water, mountain town of South Park. Kyle had to take his shirt and pull it over his head, not that it would matter, he was getting soaked anyhow. Stan simply thought what Kyle was doing was cute because in lifting his shirt over his head, a small bit of Kyle's adorable stomache was showing along with his naval. Stan stared for a while, then returned his sight to what looked like a brick wall. It looked more like a tall brick fence. Kyle and Stan continued to walk along it until there was a black iron gate. They could see, in fact, behind that gate, was an enormous house. It looked like a castle. Jesus titty-fucking Christ, it _was_ a castle. A castle that they had never seen, and the boys haven't been to that many castles.

"Please tell me we're not going in that castle," Kyle asked his fiance.

"What castle?" Stan asked a bit overwhelmed by the size of the home.

"_That_ castle! That... _Frankenstein_ place, thingy, haunted house!"

"Well, from the looks of it, there's a light over at the Frankenstein place."

"I don't care if there's a light," Kyle argued, getting to be his stubborn self. That's one of the things Stan loved about him.

"Oh, come on, Kyle," Stan chuckled. "What's so bad? It's just a big house. Rich people live here, and they could treat us to a soft warm couch or even a hot shower. Maybe even a luxery dinner? You know we've always wanted a luxery dinner. Didn't we, hun?"

Kyle smiled a bit. "Well... I suppose."

"You see?"

"I guess... But if we're going to walk up out of nowhere and ask to use their phone, then we'll at least have to -- AAAAAAHHH!!"

"What, what, what is it?!"

"Look!"

The extremely frightened Kyle pointed a trembling finger to a window in the tallest tower of the castle. Stan looked into the mirror and saw what looked like a face that quickly withdrew having been seen.

"Jesus, that's nothing short of creepy," Stan said disgusted.

"I told you!" Kyle clutched onto Stan's wet shirt.

"Come on, Kyle, we have to get out of this deserted place, and I have a high feeling that this will be the only house for a long time."

"Oh, Goddammit, Stan!" Kyle said finally giving up.

Stan opened the gate slowly as a most eerie creak was heard that made Kyle quiver. Stan held him tightly to his chest as they began to walk up the path. There were hedges in the shape of animals and people that Stan found interesting, but Kyle found it a bit creepy. They walked up to an enormous door. Stan grabbed onto the door knocker and slammed it a few times. In an instant the door creaked open and out came the smell of antiques and mothballs. Stan and Kyle wrinkled their nose at the stench, but guised it with weak smiles once someone had answered it. It appeared to be a very pale teenage boy, around their age. he wore a long black robe that went past his ankles and wrists. the hood that was a part of the robe had two strings to be pulled if wished to be tightened, which they were, over the boy's mouth so that all you could see where his nose and eyes with an icy blue iris that struck Kyle's heart with fear. Thin platiunum blonde tendrils of hair drooped in front of his face. He looked at both of them as if waiting for something.

"Hello..." the pale boy greeted finally. The boy's name was Flip-Flop, but Stan nor Kyle would have gotten the chance to hear it too many times.

"Uh - oh - Hi!" Stan said, a little loud than he had wanted to sound. "My name is Stan Marsh. And this is my fiancee, Kyle Broflovski. I, uh - wondered if you could help us. Listen, our car broke down about two miles up the road. Do you have a phone we could use, please?"

Flip-Flop got a good look at both the boys, taking a good long stare at their wet clothes and even a longer one at each of their crotches. His eyes returned to Kyle's.

"You're wet," Flip-Flop stated.

"Yeah, it's kinda raining," Kyle reminded Flip-Flop, a bit confused at his way of stating the obvious.

"Yeah," Stan agreed.

"Yes," Flip-Flop also agreed, almost to himself.

As a bolt of lightning illuminates the entire property, Stan manages to catch a glimpse of the motorcycles that had passed them a while back. Flip-Flop notices that Stan has seen the vehicles and opens the door slightly wider.

"You had better come in," Flip-Flop suggested, not sounding nice, or mean, but monotone.

"Thanks, you're too kind," Kyle said and then quickly walking into the house.

Flip-Flop grabbed a candelabra and led the two boys down the main hallway. Kyle and Stan followed behind the creepy boy without saying a single word. Both of them were looking at the scenery around them and weren't at all admirable of the expensive qualities that were draped in cobwebs. Kyle leaned in to his fiancee.

"Stan, I'm fucking scared outta my mind," Kyle whispered. "What the hell kind of place is this?"

"It's probably just some hunting lodge for rich weirdos," Stan whispered back.

They had finally reached where a staricase was on the left and a silver double door on the right. There was on old grandfather clock and many heads of numerous animals mounted on the wall. Stan looked around in shock, but didn't show it, as to not offend the boy who so kindly let them in. Once their attention had been broken from the heads, a sucking vacuum sound was heard; sounded like a cheap Dirt Devil from the early 90's no one uses anymore. They look for the source of the noise and found that it was, in fact, a Dirt Devil. The holder of the appliance was a young female, around the same age, once again; a maid. She took a shocking resemblance to Flip-Flop. She wore a dark lipstick with heavy mascara and eyeshadow. Her aurburn curls were wild but brushed to the right side of her head, an attempt at fashion, that died in the 80's, on which a maid's cap rested lightly. Her name was Fuchsia, but, once again, Kyle and Stan won't know for they would never hear any of their names. Fuchsia rose her head and gave a provocative smile to Flip-Flop to which he enjoyably returned with a lick of the teeth and a wink.

"Are you having a party?" Kyle asked Flip-Flop after a long silence of touring the halls.

"No," Flip-Flop answered. "You've arrived on a rather special night. It's one of the master's affairs."

"Lucky him," Kyle said, nodding his head, trying to make conversation.

"He's lucky," Fuchsia added. "You're lucky! I'm lucky!! WE'RE ALL LUCKY!!"

The crazed teenage maid threw her head back and laughed uproariously, taking the boys by surprise. Flip-Flop burst open the double doors to reveal the special occasions that he had spoken of. There were about 50 people inside a black and silver ballroom complete with a miniature stage only fit for the throne-like chair on it. Around the space there were long tables with black and red table clothes. On the tables, there were plates of food with nationality flags sticking in them, resembling what country they originated in. Everyone was dancing to catchy music and eating the food, and everyone, with each bite, had an orgasmic reaction on their face. As Fuchsia and Flip-Flop ran deeper into the ballroom and began to dance oddly, Stan and Kyle back up closer out of the double door. They were just about out of the door when they felt a thick figure behind them block their way out. When they turned around and saw they person in the door, Kyle fainted at the sight.


	2. He's Just a Fat Transvestite

**Chapter II: He's Just a Fat Transvestite**

They were just about out of the door when they felt a thick figure behind them block their way out. When they turned around and saw they person in the door, Kyle fainted at the sight. Stan caught Kyle's pale, limp body before he hit the white marble. He looked into the shut eyelids of his lover and back at the person who caused him to lose consiousness. It appeared to be a rather overweight boy (same age, once again), who wore garters with black boots with high platforms. He had a black leather corset that was applied so tight, his fat practically poured out from under it. He wore heavy makeup: dark red lipstick and dark blue eye shadow with eyeliner. His brown hair was slicked back. This entire package (both senses of the term) were quite disgusting looking. The fat boy, known as Frank-N-Fatter, simply smiled a crooked smile, exposing his thick lips.

"How d'ya do?" Frank-N-Fatter asked.

"How do you do," Stan greeted, rather awkwardly.

"I see you've met my faithful handyman," Frank had said nodding his head towards Flip-Flop who was doing the twist while stuffing pesto bread into his mouth. "He was just a little brought down because, when you knocked, he thought you were the candy man."

Frank laughed at this, but Stan remained at Kyle side, waving his head in front of his face for him to regain his breath. Frank noticed that whenever he looked into the shut eyelids of his lover, he looked distraught and hopeless, but when he looked at Frank, a look of disgust, or was it fear, crept across his face.

"Oh, I see," Frank understood nodding.

"What?" Stan asked.

"You're a bit strung out by the way I look, aren't you?" Frank could see right through him.

"Umm, no, not at all," Stan replied carrying Kyle's body away from this man, or whatever he was.

"Well, here's a life lesson, boy: never judge a book by its cover. Now, I'll admit, I'm not much of a man by the light of day... Oh, but by night..." he laughed in his throat which made Stan frightened. "By night, I'm one _hell_ of a lover!"

"I'm sorry, what?" Stan asked.

Kyle had finally awoken and remembered what had happened and wished it _hadn't_ happened. He looked at Frank-N-Fatter and his stomach turned.

"What what else do you expect from a transvestite?" Frank asked placing his hands on his hips.

"You're a _fat_ transvestite," Kyle commented.

"AY!" Frank protested. "I'm not fat, butt-fucker, I'm big-boned!"

Frank eased himself and rejoined his sensual and provocative spirit. He smiled his smile. "Let me show you around. You look like your both pretty groovy. Or perhaps we could watch an old Steve Reeves film. He's simply irresistable."

"Do you have the John Elway documentary?" Stan asked.

"No one's better than Steve Reeves," Frank insisted.

"Oh, I know," admitted Stan. "... except John Elway."

"Stan, it's okay," Kyle said relaxing rubbing Stan's shoulders. He turned to Frank. "I'm glad we caught you at home. Could we maybe use your phone for a moment? We're in a bit of a hurry, aren't we Stan?"

"Uhh, ya."

Frank-N-Fatter was not convinced. "Right."

"Look," Kyle continued. "We'll just say where we are and then go back to our car down the road; we don't wanna be any worry."

"So you got caught with a flat?" Frank asked.

"Ya."

"Well, how 'bout that?" Frank said grabbing Kyle's chin. "Well, babies, don't you panic. Just stay for a while and I'll find you a mechanic."

"No, you don't understand," Kyle said. "We can't stay."

"Oh, why don't you stay for the night?" Frank asked pouting his lips, then grinning sexually. "Or, a bite, perhaps. And afterwards, I could show my favorite obsession."

"Wait, obsession?" Stan asked confused.

"I've been making a man with a tan and blonde hair," Frank explained. "He's good for releaving my... tension."

"What do you mean by 'tension'?" Kyle asked, not amused. "Please, do tell."

"Kyle," Stan whispered loudly. "I don't think he's embarassed to explain what the term 'tension' means."

"It means that he's gonna be my human vibrator," Frank-N-Fatter explain nonchalantly.

Both Stan and Kyle pinched the bridge of their nose and turned around, facing the opposite way of the fat transvestite. Frank placed his manicured hands on the boys' shoulders.

"So," he began. "Come up to the lab and we could see what's on the slab tonight."

"Uhh, no thanks," Kyle said removing Frank's hand. "We're good."

"Don't kid me, boy," Frank snapped placing his hand back on Kyle's shoulder. "I see you shiver with antici..."

A pause. About 5 seconds.

"... pation," Frank grinned.

"What the hell was that?" Stan asked referring to Frank-N-Fatter's pause.

"I have a rare bone marrow disease that makes me pause five seconds in the middle of the word 'antici...

...

"... pation'."

"Oh."

"But, maybe the rain is really to blame here," Frank insisted. "So I'll remove the cause, but not the symptom."

And at that, Frank-N-Fatter left confused Stan and Kyle to stand in the middle of the ballroom as the other guests clap. Frank was on his way to the lab. Flip-Flop and Fuchsia stalked the wet boys and immediately began to strip their clothes. As the wet teenagers were stripped, out of the shadows walked a young woman with black and yellow short shorts, black tap shoes, a purple sparkly coat with tails topped with a sparkly pink barret on top of her raven black hair that reached to the bottom of her spine. She seemed to be rubbing herself with wide eyes and an enormous smile showing off her pearly whites. She walked up to the two teenagers who looked at the girl with confusion. Her name was Montana.

"Slowly, slowly," Montana said referring to the speed of the undressing. "It's too nice a job to rush."

Kyle and Stan notice that once they are stripped to their boxer briefs, everyone is staring at them.

"Stan, what the fuck is going on?" Kyle whispered loudly.

"Don't worry, Kyle," Stan said confidently. "We'll play along for now and pull out the aces when the time is right."

Stan turns to Montana who has been eyeing his cotton shielded cock.

"Umm... Hi?"

Montana continued to stare, only this time at his chest, with that same shiny smile.

"My name is Stan Marsh," he said trying not to have some crude obsanity escape his lips. "And this is my fiancee Kyle Broflovski, and you are..."

"You are very lucky to be invited up to Frank's laboratory," Montana told them. "Some people would give their right arm for the privilege."

"People like you, maybe?" Stan suggested. "You seem crazy enough."

"Are you kidding? I've seen it."

Flip-Flop takes Stan and Kyle and pushes them into a cage of a lift system to take them to the lab. Montana and Fuchsia join Flip-Flop as he closes the door. Kyle looks at Fuchsia to which, immediately, Fuchsia looks back at him.

"Is he - Frank - your husband?" Kyle asked.

"The master is not yet married," Flip-Flop replied as Fuchsia and Montana chuckled. "Nor do I think he will ever be. We are simply his humble servants."

They finally arrive on the floor of Frank-N-Fatter's lab. The laboratory is somewhere between a student observation operating theatre and a Greek gymnasium and is pink-tiled throughout. Facing the lift entrance is a circular area containing a tank on pedestals which, though chained at this stage, will be revealed to contain the body of Frank's creation submerged in chemicals. The wall to one side contains a raised dias area for the guests previously seen in the ballroom, and facing one end of the tank, the operational controls: a monitor and a giant refrigerator. A chandelier hangs above the tank. On the podium in front of Frank's chambers there is a microphone stand. Near the podium are some weights. Behind the tank is a vaulting horse. These are wrapped in sellophane - the creation's birthday presents. The guests from the ballroom have been waiting for the lift for arrive; seeing their eyes glisten in anticipation. Frank, now in surgeon's outfit, stands in the middle of the room. Flip-Flop gets out of the lift first, with a chocolate milkshake which he hands to Frank. He places his lips on the glass and throws his head back, consuming the chocolatey drink in 10 seconds. He wipes his mouth and throws the glass behind him with a shatter.

"Montana, Fuchsia, assist Flip-Flop!" ordered Frank.

The two ladies step out of the lift next and help Flip-Flop in preparations of opening the tank. Frank spots Stan and Kyle as they come out of the lift, looking around. He smiles and struts to them.

"Uhh... Hi" Stan said. "Um, I'm Stan Marsh and this is my fiancee Kyle Brislowski."

"Broflovski," Kyle corrected.

"... Broflovski."

"Encante," Frank greeted kissing Kyle's hand as Montana and Fuchsia stand on each side of the podium. "It's not often we have visitors here. Let alone offer them hospitality."

"Hospitality?!" Stan asked outraged. "We asked to use your phone! A simple request that you decided to just brush off!"

"Don't be ungrateful, Stan," Kyle chimed.

"_Ungrateful_?!"

Everyone looks at Frank, awaiting for a reaction. He simply smiles.

"How forceful of you, Stanley," Frank said. "Such a perfect speciman of manhood; so dominant."

Montana and Fuchsia begin to laugh.

"You must be awfully proud of him, Kyle," Frank continued.

"Damn straight, I am!" Kyle responded hugging onto Stan.

"Tell me, Stanley, do you have any tatoos?"

"That's none of your business, freak!" Stan snapped defensively.

"Oh, well. How about _you_?" Frank laughs to Kyle.

Kyle is about to answer when Flip-Flop walks to Frank and looms over his shoulder.

"Everything is in readiness, Master," Flip-Flop stated. "We merely await your word."

Flip-Flop walks to the control panel as Frank walks to him podium.

"Tonight, I..." Frank looks at the microphone, seeing it isn't on. "Turn on the fucking microphone, ass-munch!"

Flip-Flop quickly bows his head and flips a switch.

"A-hem," Frank restarts. "Tonight, my unconventional conventionists, tonight you are about to witness a breakthrough in biochemical research. And paradise is to be mine!"

The guests clap as does Kyle, but Stan quickly nudges him to stop.

"It was strange the way it happened. One of those quirks of fate, really. One of those moments when you seem irredeemably lost: you panic; you're trapped; your back's against the wall. There's no way out, and then suddenly, you get a break!" He cracks his knuckles. "All the pieces seem to fit into place. What a sucker you've been. What a fool. The answer was there all the time. It took a small accident to make it happen. An accident! That's how I discovered the secret.That elusive ingredient, that spark that is the breath of life!"

The guests and the servants clap as Frank moves to the tanks with the chains.

"You see, Stan and Kyle, you are fortunate. For tonight is the night that my beautiful creature is destined to be born!"

The guests applaude once more as a circular saw swipes down and slices the chains, revealing a body wrapped in cloth inside the tank. Stan and Kyle gasp.

"Holy shit, dude!" Stan shouts.

"Throw open the switches on the sonic oscillator!" Frank orders.

Flip-Flop obliges. The switch activates the oscilloscopes in the panel.

"And step up the reactor power input three more points!"

Flip-Flop pulls a level that makes three clicking sounds. Frank watches excidedly as the chandelier lowers above the tank. Frank begins to twist nobs letting coloured goop mix the chemicals, looking like a 5-year-old playing with a new toy. Stan and Kyle hold on to each other looking scared. The body in the tank begins to shake and shimmy as the guests watch in awe. It rises with outstretched arms. Frank is even more amazed at his own work. He walks up to the person in the wrapping and looking at him up and down. He makes a signal with his head for Fuchsia and Montana to unwrap him. They pull out scissors and snip off the bandages. Once he is fully unwrapped, Frank begins to jitter uncontrolably in a state of orgasm. Once the unwrapping is complete, Frank removes the cloth on the creation's head and witnesses its beauty. Its perfectly chizzled face and platinum blonde mullet with a toothpick in its mouth. He almost looked like a stereotypical bully, but his face was struck with innocence and fear.

"Rocky..." Frank said quietly, naming this beautiful man.

Rocky immediately jumped out of the tank and began to run for the door, but Frank blocked his exit. Rocky turned the other way and hid behind Stan and Kyle, who were both rather confused that the creations would run away from its master. Frank tried to grab Rocky, but his kept circling Stan and Kyle.

"Get back here, ya little pussy!" Frank cursed.

Rocky tried to make for the door, but Frank-N-Fatter leaped on top of him, his weight restricting any movement. He finally lets Rocky go, but slaps him slightly on the face.

"That's no way to behave on your first day out!" Frank lectures.

Rocky looks to the floor, feeling rather hurt.

"But since your so damn hot," Frank continued. "I'm prepared to forgive. Oh, I simply love success!"

"He's a credit to your genius, master," Flip-Flop flattered.

"Yes," Frank agreed.

"A triumph of your vill," Fuchsia added.

"Yes."

"He's OK," Montana added, nodding her head.

Frank and the other servants looked at her in shock.

"OK?" Frank asked with disgust. "Well, _fuck you_, Montana! I think we can do better than that." He turns to Janet. "What do you think?"

"Well, uhh," Kyle stumbles over his words looking at Stan and Frank. "I'm... I'm not into a man with... _too_ many muscles."

"Well, I didn't make him for _you_!!" Frank snapped cletching onto Rocky's chest. He then walks to the microphone. "He carries the Charles Atlas seal of approval and he didn't even take the lessons."

Before Frank can plop a sloppy kiss on Rocky, the refrigerator door is blasted open. Everyone looks at the fallen steel door as icy steam pours out. They are waiting for the person who caused this to emerge, and so he does. Out of the mist, riding on a Harley Davidson, rides a teenage boy with tight blue jeans with few rips and a leather jacket slightly open to reveal his stomach. He removes his helmet to reveal the small patch of blonde hair on the top of his head. He looks at Montana and winks one of his baby blue eyes.

"Teddy!!" Montana exclaims as she hugs and kisses the motorcyclist.

"Stay cool, baby," Teddy says after kissing her tenderly on the lips. "I got some unfinished business I need to..."

But before he could finish his sentence, a loud blasting sound echoed throughout the laboratory. Everyone looked around to see what caused it, but all they saw was Teddy, slowly falling onto his back with a bullet between his eyes. Montana watched her lover die in horror. She then saw Frank walk up to the body and kick it lightly to see if it was truely dead as he placed his pistol back into his garter.

"You fucking monster!!" Montana shouts at the top of her lungs, and then runs away.

Flip-Flop drags the body away as Fuchsia begins to place the loose ice bricks into a bucket to put them back into the refrigerator.

"One from the vaults," Frank said approaching Rocky. "And so perish all those who reject my love."

At this Rocky cowers in terror.

"Oh, but I won't destroy you," Frank said rubbing Rocky's arms. "You are too beautiful to be killed. But... You _must_ understand. Teddy chose his own fate. It was, shall you say, a mercy killing. He had a certain naive charm - but no muscle."

Rocky then flexes to please his master, to which Frank practically falls to the floor with pleasure. Thrilled, he grabs Rocky's head.

"I must have you _now_, you sexual angel!" Frank bellows.

Flip-Flop pushes a button on the wall which opens a bridal suite all done out in black silk. Frank grabs Rocky by the hand and pulls him to the suite as the guests throw confetti and shout their approval. Curtains fall over the master and creation as Frank throws Rocky onto the bed.

There are some people who say that life is an illusion, and that reality is simply a figment of our imaginations! If this is so, then Stan and Kyle are quite safe. However, the sudden departure of their host and his creation had left them feeling both apprehensive and uneasy. A feeling which grew as the other guests 'departed' and 'they' were shown to their separate rooms.


	3. Once in a While

**Chapter III: Once in a While**

There are some people who say that life is an illusion, and that reality is simply a figment of our imaginations! If this is so, then Brad and Janet are quite safe. However, the sudden departure of their host and his creation (into the seclusion of his sombre bridal suite) had left them feeling both apprehensive and uneasy. A feeling which grew as the other guests 'departed' and 'they' were shown to their separate rooms.

As they were thrown into separate rooms, Kyle was beginning to think this was all some wild dream that he couldn't escape from. The conditions of reality were far to extreme to be reality, but no matter how many times Kyle would pinch himself, or shut his eyes really tight, the green light filtered room he was in was still there as well as the mad scientist, Frank-N-Fatter, the handyman, Flip-Flop, the domestic, Fuchsia, and the groupie, Montana. Stan had received his first ultra shock when Frank shot the delivery boy, Teddy, right between the eyes. Stan knew that they weren't safe, and they had to escape without seeming rude. Apparently, the conditions they faced that night were their highest and most elegant form of hospitality: this drove Stan practically mad. Stan had finally been overcome with fear. For Kyle, that ship had already sailed.

Before Kyle turned off the light next to his bed, he spotted a camera at the corner of his room that followed his every movement. He moved from side to side to see if the camera followed. It did. He then welcomed the camera with a flip of the bird followed by the shutting off of his light.

There is a knock at the door. Kyle shoots up from his bed. "Who's there?" Kyle asks frightened. "Who is it?"

"It's only me, Kyle." It sounds like Stan.

Kyle runs up to the door in the darkness and opens in letting a dark figure into the room. They make their way to the bed and begin to kiss.

"Oh, Stan," Kyle moaned in despair. "What's going to happen to us?"

"It's okay, Kyle," the voice of Stan said.

The shadow that Kyle knows is Stan hold onto his shoulders and kisses him tenderly. Kyle begins to moan as Stan takes possession of his neck with his mouth.

"Everything's going to be alright," Stan assured Kyle between kisses.

"Alright, just let me turn on the light, first."

"No, don't do that!"

"Oh, don't be shy," Kyle giggled as his hand pulled the string of the lamp.

When Kyle's eyes adjusted to the light, he saw something he never wanted: Frank-N-Fatter, lying on top of him. It was him the entire time.

"YOU!" Kyle screamed.

"I'm afraid so," Frank said. "But wasn't it nice?"

"You son-of-a-bitch! What the fuck did you do to Stan?!"

"Nothing. Why, do you think I should?"

"You fat fuck!"

Kyle began to wail his fists at Frank's chest, but they were soon suspended to the mattress.

"You tricked me!" Kyle shouted. "I would have never!"

"I know. But it wasn't all bad was it?" Frank asked tracing a heart around Kyle's nipple. "In fact, I think you found it quite pleasurable. Mmmmm so soft, so sensual."

"Get the fuck off of me!"

"Shhh! You should quiet down," Frank insisted with his finger of his lips. "You wouldn't want Stan to see you like this."

"Like _this_? But this is _your_ fault!"

"Oh come on, Kyle, admit it. It was enjoyable, wasn't it? There's no crime in giving yourself over to pleasure."

Frank switches off the light.

"Oh Kyle, you have wasted so much time already," he continued. "Stan needn't know, I won't tell him."

"You _promise_ you won't tell Stan?" Kyle asked.

"Cross my heart, and hope to die."

And at that, Frank threw the sheets over them and continued to make love as Kyle squeals in excitement.

Back in the laboratory are Flip-Flop and Fuchsia who are staring at the open bridal suite. On the black and purple coloured satin bed spread is Rocky chained by his ankles, in a deep sleep. Flip-Flop stared at the creation in disgust. He hated that thing. The way every muscle was perfectly sculpted and the way his tan that looked so perfect would never go away, and that sunny blonde mullet would never lose its sheen or grow one silver hair. Not a wrinkle would form and no fat would bubble to the surface; he was programmed to practically love exercise. He hated that Frank had finally created a master piece almost to replace his first, himself. He stalked the sleeping god with fire in his eyes wishing to end it now. He looked at Fuchsia and she nodded. With the push of a button, the chain were loose and Rocky was free. Rocky noticed he was loose and sat up to be greeted by Flip-Flop's face. Flip-Flop grabbed a candelabra and waved it in front of the creation's face. Being afraid of fire, Rocky jumped through a wall completely terrified. Flip-Flop placed the candelabra down and turned to Fuchsia to smile evilly.

There is a knock at the door. Stan stands up and opens the door cautiously. A shadowy figure walks into the room and onto the bed.

"We're not safe here, Stan," the voice says. It sounds like Kyle. "This place is fucking me up."

"It's okay, Kyle," Stan assured stroking his face. "We'll be out of here by tomorrow morning. Mmmm, you smell good."

Stan gently lays Kyle on his bed and begins to remove his briefs.

"No, Stan, don't," Kyle said smacking Stan's hand lightly. "Not 'til after the wedding."

"Come on, Kyle, we haven't had sex yet! I'm eager. You said we would soon."

"I just feel now that we're engaged, we should hold the purity of it. Just until we're finally married."

Although it couldn't be seen, Stan cocked his eyebrow.

"What the hell's gotten into you, Kyle?"

Stan leaned over him to turn on the light. When he did, he saw something he never wanted: Frank-N-Fatter, lying on top of him. It was him the entire time.

"YOU!" Stan shouted.

"I'm afraid so," Frank said. "But wasn't it nice?"

"You son-of-a-bitch! What the fuck did you do to Kyle?!"

"Nothing. Why, do you think I should?"

"You fat fuck!"

Stan attempts to wriggle his way out of Frank's grip, but he is just way too fat and heavy.

"You tricked me!" Stan yelled. "I would have never!"

"I know. But it wasn't all bad was it?" Frank asked tracing a heart around Stan's nipple. "In fact, I think you found it quite pleasurable. Mmmmm so soft, so sensual."

"Get the fuck off of me!"

"Shhh! You should quiet down," Frank insisted with his finger of his lips. "You wouldn't want Kyle to see you like this."

"Like _this_? But this is _your_ fault!"

"Oh come on, Stan, admit it. It was enjoyable, wasn't it? There's no crime in giving yourself over to pleasure."

Frank switches off the light.

"Oh Stan, you have wasted so much time already," he continued. "Kyle needn't know, I won't tell him."

"You _promise_ you won't tell Kyle?" Stan asked.

"On my mother's grave."

And at that, Frank threw the sheets over them and continued to make love. But before Frank can pull down Stan's underwear, the monitor in Stan's room buzzes on, illuminating the room with an icy-blue filter. Flip-Flop's face appears.

"Master," Flip-Flop reports, muffled behind his black parka. "Rocky has broken his chains and vanished. The new playmate is loose and in the castle ground. Fuchsia has just released the dogs."

"Goddamit!" Frank curses. "I'm coming!"

But Frank looks down at Stan and continues to make love to him.

Kyle cannot stop crying. He feels dirty for being a sex toy to the man who has kept them prisoner, so to speak. Not only that, he feels lost and hopeless without Stan. He sits up in a cold sweat with the bedsheets covering his netherregions.

"What's happening here?!" He sobbed. "Where's Stan?! Where's anybody?!"

After the sex is over with, Stan finds himself looking at his 'captor' sleeping in his bed with a smile across his face. Stan knew he was good, but he didn't think he was _that_good. He begins to smile as well, but the smile fades away at the thought of betraying the only person he's ever truly loved: Kyle. He sits down on the bed side and begins to smoke the cigarette Frank offered him. After a good long puff, he drops his head and sighs.

Kyle manages to stop sobbing. He wiped away his tears and felt his chest. "I'm engaged to Stan just the same as Tweak was to Craig," he reminded himself. "But Frank's kisses overwhelmed me with an ecstasy I've never dreamt of before. Hot, burning kisses."

Kyle replaces his briefs on his body and heads for the door to see his Stan. He stops.

"I could see Stan's face before me," Kyle said. "And my mind screamed 'No!' But my lips were hungry - too hungry."

Kyle decides to put on a plain white t-shirt on the floor and opens the door. He decides to search for Stan. When he opens the door, there is a long corridor. He decides to take it, seeing as there's no other way to find Stan.

"I wanted to be loved completely," he said to himself, still walking. "My body throbbed excitedly. Oh Stan, how could I have done this to you? I'm such a shit-head!"

Kyle, not really noticing where he has travelled, has made it into the laboratory. He continues to walk the pink tiles, not looking ahead of him.

"If only we hadn't made this fucking journey," he cursed. "If only the car hadn't broken down. If only we were with friends and not these nuts!"

"If" and "Only", two small words. Words which kept repeating themselves again and again in Kyle's thoughts. But it was too late to go back now. It was as if he were riding a giant tidal wave. It would be folly to fight against it. His only chance would be to ride it out - adapt - and perhaps also to survive.

As Kyle as still looking to the floor he bumps into a tank. The same tank that held Rocky only a few hours ago. There was a big sheet over it. Under the sheet, Kyle could have sworn he had heard crying. He did. He ripped off the sheet to reveal Rocky, curled up in a ball. Rocky noticed Kyle's presence and recoiled to the farthest corner of the tank, staring at Kyle with such fear as if he were Death. Kyle leaned into the tank and began to stroke his head. Rocky quickly became slightly comforted and relaxed.

"You poor thing," Kyle said. "You're just as scared as I am, huh. That's why you came here. This tank is the closest thing _to_ a home; you came here for security."

Kyle stops petting the creature and crosses to another TV monitor in the wall. "What the hell have you done with Stan?!"

Kyle wasn't gonna wait for that to just happen. He began to flip through the channels when he reached an episode of Terrance & Phillipe. It was a re-run. But Kyle _does_ love a good fart joke.

_"Say Terrance," Phillipe began._

_"Yes, Phillipe?" the other answered._

_"What is a cross breed between a shiatsu and a bull dog?"_

_"I dunno, Phillipe, what?"_

_Then Phillipe hopped in the air and, in mid-jump, farted straight in Terrance's mouth. Even though this would naturally repulse and/or offend most people, Terrance simply threw his arms in the air and began to flap his head in fits of laughter to which Phillipe would join. Kyle, watching the show, would laugh almost louder than the two in the show. He thought this stuff was the funniest shit on the planet. And right now, he could use a good laugh._

_"Oh, Phillipe?" Terrance asked._

_"Yes, Terrance?" Phillipe responded._

_"Have you ever eaten Ethiopian food?"_

_"I don't believe I have."_

_"Well, neither have they."_

_"... That was bad, Terrance... That... that was terrible."_

_"I know, Phillipe, I know."_

It was then that Kyle remembered his predicament: he had to find his love and fiancee Stan. He continued to flip through the channels.

_"Eat 'Snacky Smores,' the..."_

_"Want to explore _your_ adventurous side? Call Night Line, it's..."_

_"Well baby, I hear them blues are callin' tossed salads and scrambled..."_

_"Rob Schneider has always had the life. But when he went to a..."_

_"We find mayor Kwame Kilpatrick guilty of being a douche..."_

_"Say it! BEEFCAKE! BEEFCAKE! BEEFCAKE!"_

Then finally, after he had reached channel 13, he stopped turning the channel. He had found an image that was shocking to him and nearly made him throw up. It was the image of Stan in his bedroom. He sees Stan with a cigarette in in hand and Frank-N-Fatter snuggled under the sheets.

"WHOA!!"

Kyle bent over and threw up all over the floor. He couldn't believe what he had just seen. He could feel tears begin to seep over his eyelids. His eyes always water when he throws up, but not for this long, and not this much. He was crying. His pounded the 'off' button of the television as he squinted his eyes in sorrow. He began to pound the electronically equipped wall in frustration almost wanting that wall to be Stan, just so perhaps his fists of anger could reach his chest and bruise it. He fell to his knees, not ashamed for his knees to dip in his throw-up and bawled. Then he heard a grunt. Kyle turned his head, red with grief, to see who made the sound. It was Rocky. This was the first form of communication he had made. His face was stricken with concern. Kyle couldn't help but smile. Kyle's smile drops off his face when he notices Rocky's bruises and cuts.

He immediately hopped into the tank and began to lightly touch the wounds to check the severity and sensitivity of Rocky's pain factor. With a light touch of a cut on his arm, Rocky flinches with a small whimper. The cut began to bleed. What could Kyle use to stop the bleeding? The T-shirt. He looked down at his shirt and made a small tear. He ripped the shirt into a thick strip around his waist making his t-shirt look like a girl's baby tee, his soft stomach and naval showing. His current appearance with his underwear and shirt made him look like a Raisins girl. Kyle laughed in his mind. Kyle? At Raisins? Please! Kyle would NEVER work at Raisins, not in a million years. Even if he was forced against his will and her parents would be killed if he declined. But hey, Kyle knew that situation would never come to be.

"Who did this to you?" Kyle asked wrapping the cotton around Rocky's biggest cut.

Of course Rocky couldn't answer, but Kyle knew that. He simply needed someone to talk to. When Kyle had finished dressing Rocky's wounds, he gave Kyle this oh so kind smile. Kyle did not know how to return this 'favour' but the only thing he could do was giggle to himself and blush.

"Emotion": an excited state of mental agitation. It is also an irrational and powerful master and from what Kyle had witnessed on the monitor, there seemed to be little doubt that he was indeed its slave.

Meanwhile, in Montana's bedroom, Montana and Fuchsia were sitting on Montana's comfy bed and watching Kyle and Rocky in the tank getting rather close.

"Tell us about it, Kyle!" the two girls giggled.

Montana then returned to painting Fuchsia's toenails as Fuchsia let a hair dryer's heating waves caress her wet locks.

"Can you keep a secret?" Kyle asked the creation. He laughed to himself knowing that he could. "Stan really wants us to have sex and everything, and don't get me wrong, I do too, but the thing is... I'd only ever kissed before."

Montana was shocked. She turned to Fuchsia.

"You mean she..."

"U-huh."

Kyle began to stroke the newly applied bandages with a humble smile; he had done good. Rocky returned the favour with a sexy smile. Kyle looked into his eyes and felt his heart pound within his chest.

"I never even wanted to get into anything _close_ to sex, you know? Not even that heavy petting crap."

Kyle just noticed, oddly enough, that Rocky wore nothing more than a sparkly gold speedo, boots, and silver-studded black wrist bands. Kyle ran a finger down Rocky's beefy chest, glistening with sweat.

"But perhaps," Kyle began, twirling a tendril of auburn hair. "Since we're both here, and I won't say anything if you won't, we could, maybe... try it out?"

Rocky couldn't speak any sort of language, but he understood English perfectly. At Kyle's suggestion, Rocky smiled the biggest smile he'd ever thought he would.

"Let's just say I have an itch to scratch," Kyle said with a provocatively sexy smirk. "Touch me. Touch me, Rocky! Goddammit, I wanna be dirty! Thrill me! Chill me! _Fulfill_ me!!"

Rocky leaped on top of Kyle and our hero and creature began to make wonderful love. Kyle would have never thought that his first time would be to this amazing looking stud. Kyle was somewhat happy that it wasn't with Stan; that it wasn't with his fiancee. It made him feel, dare he think it, important, in a way. He felt dirty, but not a dirty where you're raped, so you take a half-hour shower, rubbing yourself so hard that you give yourself bruises. It was more of a dirty like he used to love when, at the age of 5, would jump in a puddle of mud during the rain. Naturally the mother would attempt to scold him, but Kyle's cute little green eyes and all that mud made him so cute, it was too hard to punish him.

Kyle and Rocky's magnificent sex was interrupted by the sound of a scream. It was Flip-Flop. Outside of the tank, Flip-Flop was whipped by Frank as they came into the laboratory. Stan followed Frank. Stan couldn't believe the severity and extreme level of Frank's violent side.

"Oh my God!" Stan shouted. "You whipped Flip-Flop."

Kyle was just as amazed from inside the tank. "You bastard."

Frank whipped Flip-Flop's back twice more.

"MERCY!" Flip-Flop cried.

"Goddammit, how'd it happen!" Frank shouted enraged. "You were supposed to be watching, pig-fucker!"

"I was only away for a minute, Master," Flip-Flop answered getting up, still keeping a wary eye on the whip.

"Well, see if you can find him on the monitor."

As Flip-Flop began to flip through the channels, ignoring Terrance & Phillipe for his own sake, he stumbled upon the camera view outside the main door. There was a skinny middle-aged man sitting in a wheelchair. He was sneaking behind the trees, but he was easily spotted with his enormous head and his thick-rimmed glasses.

"We have a visitor," Flip-Flop announced.

"Holy shit, dude!" Stan said exclaimed. "It's Mr. Mackey!"

"You know this humon person? I mean, person?"

"Yeah, dude! He was my counsellor back in grade school."

"I see," Frank observed. "So you came here with a purpose, then?"

"I told you, my care broke down."

Frank notices that Mr. Mackey looks very shifty. He looked Stan right in the eye.

"I was telling the truth," Stan protested.

"I know what you told me, dick-fart!" Frank snapped. "This Mr. Mackey, his name is not unknown to me."

"He was a counsellor back at South Park Elementary."

"And now he works for your Government, doesn't he, Stan? He's attached to the Bureau of Investigation of that which you call U.F.O's. Isn't he, Stan?"

"... How the fuck am _I_ supposed to know?!"

Frank looks back to the monitor. "Hmm. He'll be in the Zen Room."

Frank flips the channel to the camera in the Zen Room and that's exactly where Mr. Mackey is. He is looking around curiously and sniffing the incense sticks.

"Well, why don't we just ask him?" Frank queried.

He walked over to a side of the wall and threw down a switch labelled "TRIPLE CONTACT ELECTRO MAGNET." A large magnet rises from the floor and begins to hum a low sound that buzzed in everyone's ears. At that moment, Mr. Mackey's wheelchair was magnetically pulled straight through the walls of the house and straight into the laboratory, leaving a huge hole in the wall. Everyone stares at the counsellor in amazement as he began to wipe debris off of his shoulder.

"Uh, triple contact electro magnets are bad, m'kay?" Mr. Mackey began. "You shouldn't use triple contact electro magnets."

"Mr. Mackey!" Stan said.

"Stan? Stan Marsh? What are you doing here?"

Frank throws up the switch of the magnet and the force is released.

"Don't play games, Mackey!" Frank said grabbing a hold of the wheelchair by the arm rests. "You know very well what Stan Marsh's doing here. It was part of your plan was it not that he, and his butt-buddy, should check the layout for you. Well, unfortunately for you all there's to be a change of plans. I'm sure you're adaptable, Mr. Mackey. I know Stan is."

Stan simply looks to the floor in embarrassment.

"Uh, I can assure you that Stan's presence comes as a complete surprise to me, m'kay?" Mr. Mackey stated. "I came to find Teddy."

"Teddy?" Stan asked. "Isn't he that guy that got..."

"Oh, _Teddy_?!" Frank cut in quickly. "What do you know of Teddy, Mr. Mackey?"

"Uh, I happen to know a great deal about a lot of things, m'kay?" Mackey stated. "Teddy happens to be my nephew."

"Oh, fuck!" a voice gasped.

Who was that? It was Kyle. But at that time, Frank didn't know. All he knew was that it came from inside the tank. Frank removed the tank's curtain to reveal two bodies. Kyle and Rocky stood.

"Kyle, m'kay!" Mr. Mackey shouted.

"Mr. Mackey!" Kyle gasped.

"Kyle!" Stan snapped.

"Stan!" Kyle shuttered.

"Rocky!" Frank barked.

And since Rocky could not say anything, he merely looked at Frank surprised. The meaningless rotation of name-calling continued.

"Kyle, m'kay!"

"Mr. Mackey!"

"Kyle!"

"Stan!"

"Rocky!"

"Kyle, m'kay!"

"Mr. Mackey!"

"Kyle!"

"Stan!"

"Rocky!"

Rocky, showing a more rebellious side, placed his arm around Kyle.

Frank was furious with his creation. "Listen!" Frank scolded. "I made you and I can break you just as easily!"

Rocky quickly removed his arm just as quickly as he had put it there.

"That's better."

A gong is heard. Everyone in the laboratory looks to where the sound of the gong is coming from. The hole in the wall. Fuchsia is seen holding the golden disk above her head.

"Master!" she announced. "Dinner is prepared!"

"Excellent," Frank said, moving to Mr. Mackey. "Doctor Scott you can sample the speciality of the house - roast loin of pork." Frank takes notice of Kyle's slutty outfit with a sneer. "Under the circumstances, formal dress is to be optional."

Frank, pushing Mr. Mackey's wheelchair, then led the others to the lift. On their way to dinner.


	4. Dinner and a Show

**Chapter IV: Dinner and a Show**

Food has always played a vital role in life's rituals. The breaking of bread - the last meal of the condemned man - and now this meal. However informal it might appear you can be sure there was to be very little 'bonhomie'.

* * *

The dining room is done with red velvet along the walls and black marble squares on the floor. Kyle and Stan are sitting at the table, but not together. Stan sits on one side, while Kyle sits on the other side of the coffin-shaped table next to Rocky, staring into his green eyes with angry disappointment. Kyle tried his best to avoid Stan's glare, but every now and then caught a glimpse of his unforgiving gaze. But no matter how much Stan looked at Kyle, he had to look to Kyle's right, where Montana was sitting staring at him up and down with a stalker-like quality. Mr. Mackey sat next to Stan in his wheelchair waiting for their host. Moments later, Flip-Flop walks in with an enormous joint of meat on a plate with Fuchsia behind him with a bottle of blood-red wine. They place their consumables on the table as Frank strutted in. Fuchsia poured Frank a glass of wine, after which Frank lifted it with spread shoulder and a high neck as Fuchsia poured everyone else their wine.

"A toast!" He announced. "To absent friends."

"To absent friends," the guests toasted.

Frank, picking up an electric carver, begins to carve the meat. Everyone is silent and the only sound heard is the buzzing of the carver and the squishy noise of sliced flesh.

"Uh, we came here to discuss Teddy, m'kay?" Mr. Mackey reminded Frank.

"Teddy!" Montana squeeled clapping her hands.

"It's a rather tender subject," Frank said passing out slices of meat. "Another slice, anyone?"

Everyone at the table slowly looks at their place and into the food they have been served as Rocky takes a huge bite out of his meal. Montana looks mortified. She pushes her plate away and rises slowly as Stan spins his head around and throws up on the floor.

"Excuse me," she said silently.

Montana walked to her bedroom. As soon as the door was closed the only sound heard from the dining room was loud sobbing.

Mr. Mackey turns aside, thinking out loud.

"Uh, I knew he was in a bad crowd, but it was worse than I imagined," Mr. Mackey said, then snapping his vision to Frank. "Aliens! ... M'kay?"

"Mr. Mackey!" Stan and Kyle exclaimed simultaneously. They looked at each other afterwards, and looked to the table and back into their meat.

Mr. Mackey picked up his fork and stabbed into the meat, then displayed the piece of flesh before the guests. "Uh, from the say he was born," he began referring to the meat, causing Stan to nearly throw up again. "He was trouble, m'kay? Uh, he was the thorn in his mother's side. She tried in vain, but he was a little prick, m'kay? The day she died, he left home. From the day she was gone, all he wanted was rock and roll, a-and porn, and a motorcycle... m'kay? He also took lots of drugs. But I told him that, uh, drugs are bad, and he shouldn't do drugs, m'kay? He was a low-down cheap little punk taking everyone for a ride... m'kay?"

* * *

Montana continued to weep into her pillow. She looked up from her tear-soaked cotton lump to look at a picture of Teddy with a modest smile, tussling his patch of blonde hair. His sky-blue eyes piercing Montana's eyes, feeling tears screen her pupils, then diving her face back into the pillow feeling another set of tears coming on. "I told him not to get into that shit!" she wept. "But no matter how much I told him to stay sane, he completely shut me out! I loved him!"

* * *

"But he must have been drawn into something," Mr. Mackey continued. "making him warn me in a note."

"What's it say?!" The rest shouted.

Mr. Mackey place the letter in the middle of the table as everyone crowded around him to read it.

_**"Well, uh, golly jee whiz, I'm outta my head, fellas.**_

_**Oh, hurry, or, uh, I may be dead.**_

_**They mustn't carry out their gosh-darned evil deeds."**_

"What a guy," Frank commented.

"Makes you wanna cry, doesn't it?" Kyle asked rhetorically.

"Uh, I _did_cry," Mr. Mackey said flicking a small tear off his cheek.

Frank stood up from the table quickly and grabbed the tablecloth. He removed it with speed revealing an actual coffin with a glass lid, revealing the decomposed remains of Teddy. Frank, Fuchsia, and Flip-Flop throw their heads back and laugh as Stan throws up for the second time.

"Holy shit dude!!" Kyle shrieked.

He shot from the table and ran out of the door trying to find an exit to the house. Frank, knowing immediately his plan for escape, quickly followed Kyle at high speed not wanting him to get away. He quickly grabbed onto Kyle's wrist and pulled him toward him and backhanded him across the mouth. Not letting go, he pulled him close to his face to observe the red mark he had just made.

"I'll tell you once," Frank warned. "I won't tell you twice. You better wise up, Kyle Broflovski."

Kyle quickly reacted on instinct and kicked Frank square in the nuts. As Frank bent over and screamed in pain, Kyle made a run for it. Stan and Mr. Mackey followed.

Naturally, the three could not fine their way out of the place. Doors turned into hallways turning into staircases and into more hallways. After minutes of running in fear, hoping to get out of the insane asylum, they ended up back in the laboratory. They had entered through an unknown secret passage. Frank was there in the lab with his hand on a switch. Above the switch was a bolted steel label: Transducer. He was one pissed of guy. He pulled up the switch. Kyle's face was struck with absolute fear. He looked down at his legs in horror. He tried to pull on his legs, but they wouldn't budge.

"My feet!" Kyle shouted. "I can't move my feet!"

"My wheels!" Mr. Mackey said. "My God - I can't move my wheels!"

"It's as if we're glued to the spot!" Stan thought aloud.

"You _are_!" Frank-N-Fatter laughed. "So quake with fear, you tiny pussies!"

"We're trapped!" Kyle said hopelessly.

"It's something you'll get used to. A mental mind fuck can be nice."

Rocky walked in through the hole in the wall, scared for his guests.

"Uh, you won't find earth people quite the easy mark you imagine, m'kay?" Mr. Mackey told Frank. "This sonic transducer - it is, I suppose, some kind of audio-vibratory, physiomolecular transport device. Uh, audio-vibratory physiomolecular transport devices are bad, m'kay? You shouldn't create audio-vibratory physiomolecular transport devices."

"What the fuck is... _that_?" Stan asked.

"Uh, it's a device which is capable of breaking down solid matter and then projecting it through space, and - who knows - perhaps even time itself! ... M'kay?"

"You mean he's gonna send us to another fucking planet?!" Kyle shouted.

"Planet, schmanet!" Frank spat.

Frank knelt in front of Kyle and began to rub up his thighs. As much as Kyle did not want Frank's touch, he couldn't help but gasp with pleasure. Stan tried his best to get out of this magnetic hold as Kyle began to moan.

"Don't you touch him you son-of-a-bitch!" Stan shouted.

At this remark. Frank pulled the switch up and down once. He turned his head to see the result of the switch's pulling; Brad had been turned into a statue.

"You little shit!" Mr. Mackey yelled.

Frank looked back to the switch and flipped it again. Mr. Mackey had also turned into a statue in his chair.

"You're a hot dog," Kyle said in a low seductive voice, still longing the feel of his hand on his leg.

Frank, still in the mood for a little fun, flipped the switch anyhow and turned Kyle into a statue as well. Once they are all statues, Flip-Flop and Fuchsia walk in with big smiles. They all laugh. But the laughter is cut to a close.

"My God!" They all hear Montana shout from a top of the staircase leading into the lab. She began to walk down angry as hell. "I can't take any more of this. First you spurn me for Teddy, then you cast him off like an old overcoat for Rocky. You chew people up and then spit them out. I loved you, do you hear me - I LOVED YOU!! And what did it get me? I'll tell you - a big nothing. You're like a sponge. You take, take, take, take! You drain others of their love and emotions. Well, I've had enough. You've got to choose between me and Rocky - so named because of the rocks in his fucking head!"

Frank, still looking straight into her eyes with hate, flips the switch up and down. She is also turned to stone. Frank leaned onto the electronic wall and sighed. "It's not easy to have a good time." Then, after a look at Rocky, gave a "what-the-hell" shrug, and flipped the switch in him as well.

Frank crosses to Fuchsia and Flip-Flop who are in each others arms; Flip-Flop, stroking her arm.

"My children turn on me," Frank said aside. "Rocky's behaving just as Teddy did. Maybe I made a mistake in splitting his brain between the two of them."

"When will we return to Transylvania?" Fuchsia asked Frank massaging Flip-Flop's temple. "I grow weary of this world. It's all smelly and stuff."

"Fuchsia, I am indeed grateful to both you and your brother Flip-Flop," Frank said. "You have both served me well. Loyalty such as yours must be rewarded and you will discover when the mood takes me I can be quite generous."

"I ask for nothing, Master," Fuchsia lied through her teeth, and showing it by digging her nails into Flip-Flop's neck; Flip-Flop reacts accordingly.

"And you shall recieve it!" Frank stated as Flip-Flop fell to the floor due to loss of conciousness. "In abundance!"

Frank struts towards the lift and turns to his children quickly, clinging to the steel grate of the lifts inner walls.

"Come!" he announced dramatically. "We are ready for the floor show! ... Our guests are growing restless."

* * *

And so, by some extraordinary coincidence, fate it seems had decided that Stan and Kyle should keep that appointment with their friend Mr. Mackey. But it was to be in a situation which none of them could have possibly foreseen. And just a few hours after announcing their engagement, Stan and kyle had both tasted forbidden fruit. This in itself was proof that their host was a man of little morals - and some persuasion. What further indignities were they to be subjected to? And what of the sonic transducer and floor show that had been spoken of? What indeed? From what had gone before, it was clear that this was to be no picnic.

* * *

The ball room they had seen earlier had a stage with red velvet curtains. Frank is enjoying dressing the statues which are now on stage. Each one is lovingly fitted with extravagant variations on the stocking and suspender belt variety of his own fantasies.

He steps into the wings and views his masterpieces with delight. He flips down a big switch. It set on the beautifully coloured lights, setting the stage to look absolutely dazzling. Once the lights are on, the statues come to life. Montana, Rocky, Stan, and Kyle begin to shake once life has set in. They all look at themselves and are wondering what the hell they are doing in this get-up. But for the odd reason, none of them feel exposed or dirty. They feel right.

"Now sing," Frank said from the side, crying in joy. "SING!"

And in an instant, their minds become filled with lyrical genius as the music begins to blare through the speakers at the side.

Montana steps forward.

"_It was great when it all began_," she sang.

"_I was a regular Franky fan,_

_but it was over when he had the plan_

_to start a-workin' on a muscle man._

_Now the only thing that gives me hope_

_is my love of a certain dope._

_Rose tints my world keeps me safe_

_from my trouble and pain._"

Rocky's turn.

"_I am just seven hours old,_

_truly beautiful to behold._

_But somebody should be told_

_my libido hasn't been controlled._

_Now the only thing I've to trust_

_is an orgasmic rush of lust._

_Rose tints my world keeps me safe_

_from my trouble and pain._"

Stan begins to sing, but looks at himself in fear, not knowing this feeling.

"_It's beyond me,_

_help me mommy._

_I'll be good, you'll see._

_Take this dream away._

_What's this? Let's see._

_I feel... sexy._

_What's come over me?_

WOO!!_Here it comes agaaaiiin!_"

Kyle, still remembering his sexual moments today, takes over with orgasmic lust.

"_I feel released._

_Bad times deceased._

_My confidence has increased._

_Reality is here._

_The game has been disbanded._

_My mind has been expanded._

_It's a gas that Frankie's landed!_

_His lust is so sincere._"

Frank, still backstage, flips on one more switch to open up the curtains, and quickly runs to his place in the show, walking past the stone statue of Mr. Mackey. The curtains open on the stage to reveal Frank-N-Fatter in all his glory. He wears a dazzling version of the national costume and a chiffon cloak which billows in the breeze from a wind machine. He is reminiscent of a 30's film star. It is his moment to shine. He steps up and bathes in the spotlight. He closes his eyes and feels the warmth swallow him. He awaits for the precise moment to open his moist lips and sing.

"_Whatever happened to Fay Wray?_" he sang with fragile softness.

"_That delicate, satin-draped frame._

_As it clung to her thigh,_

_how I started to cry, _you guys_,_

_for I wanted to be dressed_

_just the same._"

The stage begins to open, revealing a glistening pool with chlorine and glitter. He dips into the water and beckons his guests to join him. In their drugged state, they are enchanted and join him.

"_Give yourself over to absolute pleasure._

_Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh._

_Erotic nightmares_

_beyond any measure_

_and sensual daydreams_

_to treasure forever._

_Can you just see it?!_"

As the rest of the people join Frank in the pool, Frank begins to shake with orgasmic pleasure. He immediately clutches to Stan's neck and begins to slither his tongue down his throat. Stan obliged by reaching his hand down the front of his tights. The rest needn't ask for permission to have sex with the other, they were already in the pool and craving sexual pleasure. Rocky began to pull Montana's lips to his as Kyle pulled down Montana's lower wear, preparing to insert his hard member. After Stan and Frank had finished their moment, Stan pulled Kyle off of Montana before he could get his warrior inside of her and lodged it into the back of his throat. Frank did the same with Rocky, so Montana began to claim Frank's back with her mouth and tongue.

As the five began to have the most glorious and memorable orgy any of them would be able to remember, a piece of the ceiling fell from the back stage and flipped the switch, turning Mr. Mackey to life. Once realizing the situation at hand, he realized that he had to get out of this trap.

"We've gotta get outta this trap," Mr. Mackey said to himself. "Before this decadence saps our wills, m'kay? Uh, I've got to be strong and try to hang on or else my mind may snap, m'kay?"

But before Mr. Mackey could get anyone out of the pool, the side wall of the ball room was blasted into a million pieces with dust and debris. Everyone burst from the pool and looked at the enormous hole in the wall to see who was the maker? Out of the dust walks Fuchsia and Flip-Flop clad military-style space suits.

"It's all over, Frank-N-Fatter!" Flip-Flop shouted pointing a ray gun directly between his eyes. "You're mission is an utter failure and your lifestyle is too extreme."

"Flip-Flop!" Frank bellowed. "What are you doing here? You've ruined the show and I..."

"SILENCE! _I_ am your new commander!" he insisted stepping forward with his gun still directed. "_You_are now my prisoner! We return to Transylvania. Fuchsia, prepare the transit beam."

Fuchsia turns to leave, but Frank has jumped out of the semen-polluted waters to protest. "Wait!" he cried. They turn to him. "I can explain!"

"Make it fast," Flip-Flop ordered, putting his gun down. Fuchsia placed her hand on her hips, also fed up with his tomfoolery, but soon begins to file her nails.

"On the day I left Transylvania, goodbye was all I had to say," Frank began. "I want to come back to Earth, and, perhaps, stay. But... I realise... I'm going home...

"Everywhere, it's been the same. Like I'm caught outside on a cold winter's night in the freezing rain. You must understand, my friends! But, yes. You are right. As much as this place has meant to me for such a long time... I must go home... I'm _going_ home."

And for the first time in a long time, Frank looked into himself and his feelings and the definition of home, and smiled a truthful smile. He never felt as happy as he did then. Just saying the word 'home' made him feel warm and cozy. He wanted to leave this planet behind and never come back. He was returning to his planet, and he was truely full of joy.

"Very well," Frank said lifting his chin. "Let us go."

"How sentimental," Fuchsia said rising her eyes from her nail filing.

"And also presumptuous of you," Flip-Flop added, moving closer to the stage. "When I said that we were returning to Transylvania, I was referring to Fuchsia and myself."

Frank looks apalled, but also very confused.

"You shall remain here," Flip-Flop added. "In spirit, anyway."

Flip-Flop re-aimed his laser at Frank's chest. Mr. Mackey rolled onto the stage.

"Uh, lasers are bad, m'kay?" He stated. "You shouldn't play with lasers."

"This isn't just any lazer, Mr. Mackey," corrected Flip-Flop. "A lazer capable of emitting pure anti-matter."

"You're gonna just fucking kill him?!" Stan spat, now out of the water. Everyone else was too. "What was his crime?"

"You saw what became of Teddy," Mr. Mackey answered. "Society must be protected... m'kay?"

"Exactly right, Mr. Mackey," said Flip-Flop. "And now, Frank-N-Fatter, your time has come. Say goodbye to all this and hello to oblivion."

Frank wiped off his makeup with the assists of the water still clinging to his face. For the first time in years, his true face was revealed. He stood boldly and stuck out his chest. "Bring it on, pussy!"

As Flip-Flop pulled the trigger, Montana leaped in front of the stage and took the hit, having the bright red beam burn through her skin and eat away at her flesh. She was killed instantly. Everyone on the stage is in utter shock that someone has simply been murdered before their very eyes. Frank spun toward the curtains and made a run for it. Being in an immediate and high level of panic, he retreated to the closet thing to him. His clenched onto the velvet curtains of the stage and climbed as high as he could. When he reached the top and held onto the curtain rod, he heard the sound of breaking wood. It was. The curtain rods screws collapsed due to the weight and the entire set came crashing down on top of Frank. Rocky sees glitter and dust fly everywhere, but in the end, he sees Frank's single hand reaching out; motionless, with warm thick blood seeping through the bottom. Frank-N-Fatter is dead. Rocky knelt to his master and began to break down with waterfalls of tears flowing off his chin and mixing with his master's blood. Although he despised Frank, he was all he had in the world.

Flip-Flop had had enough. He pointed the gun to Rocky and fired 5 times, each shot burning through the creation's flesh and bones until he is nothing more than an unidentifiable mound of burning carcass.

"Oh my God!" Stan shouted. "They killed Rocky!"

"You bastards!" Kyle chimed.

Fuchsia, finding the gore quite distasteful steps in and places her hand on Flip-Flop's shoulder.

"I thought you liked them," she said. "They liked you."

"They didn't like me," Flip-Flop corrects, shaking in anger. "THEY _NEVER_LIKED ME!!" He turned to the wheelchair bound man. "Mr. Mackey, I am sorry about your nephew."

"It was for the best," Mr. Mackey admitted, nodding with a sigh.

"You must leave now, Mr. Mackey. We are about to beam entire the house back to the planet of Transsexual in the galaxy of Transylvania. Go now."

The guests leave as fast as they can out of the ball room door and out of the house.

"Our noble mission is almost completed my most beautiful sister," Flip-Flop said. "Soon we will return to the moon-drenched shores of our "androgynous" planet."

"Ah! Sweet Transexual," Fuchsia said gloriously. "Land of night to sing and dance once more to your dark refrains. To take that step to the right..."

"But it's the pelvic thrust that really drive you insane!"

"And our world will do the Time Warp again!"

There is the sound of a million bombs being ignited at the break of dawn. The castle emits fire from its feet and blasts into the air. What an amazing sight it is. The house gains speed as it bursts into space, never to be seen again...

The blast into space has left an enormous crater where the house used to be. In the crater are pieces of memory from the house: Teddy's coffin, Rocky's tank, bits and pieces of a Dirt Devil. Then there are the remains of a wheelchair. Mr. Mackey's wheelchair. Mr. Mackey is on the ground in the crater surrounded by broken pieces of wood and stone. He used his arms to drag himself toward the boys. Stan then awakes, tattered and bleeding. He looks at himself, thinking he is about to die. He crawls to Kyle who is unconscious, blood pouring from a slit in the skull.

"Kyle," he said weakly, trying to shake him. "Kyle wake up. It's over."

Kyle raises his head slowly and sees Stan's beautiful eyes.

"It's done?"

"Yes, baby, yes it's all done."

"Stan... I'm so sorry for everything that's happened."

"It's okay, it's okay, Kyle. I love you so damn much."

"I love you too, Stan."

The two engaged lovers kiss, emitting all of their long-stored passion as their moist lips caressed caressed. Stan stood up, still weak in his knees, but he managed to stand. He helped Kyle to his feet and held onto him, never wanting to let go. They looked behind them and noticed something amazing. Mr. Mackey was standing without the assistance of his wheelchair. They stand shakily on the perimeter of the crater. There is nothing left but the dust and a glorious sun; a promise that life is starting to look bright again. Their fears are gone, and the worst is over. The rest of their lives had just begun. And crawling on the planet's face, some insects called the human race, lost in time, and lost in space and meaning.

**THE END**

**CAST**

**Eric Cartman **as **Dr. Frank-N-Fatter**, _a Scientist_

**Kyle Broflovski**, _a Hero_

**Stan Marsh**, _a Hero_

**Kenny McCormick **as **Flip-Flop**, _a Handyman_

**Bebe Stevens **as** Fuchsia**, _a_ _Domestic_

**Wendy Testaburger **as **Montana**, _a Groupie_

**Mr. Mackey**, _a Counsellor_

**Trent Boyette **as **Rocky Horror**, _a Creation_

**Leopold "Butters" Stotch **as **Teddy**, _ex Delivery Boy_


End file.
